Cory and Kaitlin November 9, 2005

Daisypath Anniversary tickers

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Why....

I am not very good at keeping this updated. I did not think anybody would ever read it so I did not ever post anything.

I should update everybody. We have been trying to get pregnant for 2 long years and it finally happened. With the help of fertilty drugs (Clomid) so my nickname was Octomom. My cute aunt Kay did not get it and thought it was because I was due in October. It was so funny.

Any who.... here is the rest of the story.

We found out on February 21, 2010 and we could not have been more happy. We told our families that next weekend. We told Linda (Cory's mom) first on the 26th since my parents were on a cruise and would not get back until March 1st.

We used Cory's niece to tell Linda, she was super excited.





Then we told my parents and my mom was still out of since they had just returned from their trip that afternoon. I gave them a picture frame.





My mom looked at it and then she said it was cute and put it on the counter so we had to make her look at it again. Then her and my dad got excited.

All was good, morning sickness here and there. Hated brushing my theeth because it made me gag. Could not sleep but it was all good.

Then on March 9th i started spotting scared me to death called the doctor they said it was normal, 1 in 4 women experience spotting and perfect pregnancies. I did not have any cramping and it was not a lot so that was a good thing. But they had me come in to do an ultrasound just to check everything out. Everything looked fine and how it should. They also did some blood work. We found out that I have O- blood so I got a shot of Rogam on March 10th to combat the negative effects if my blood mixed with the baby's. (so my body will not build up antibodies) Had more blood work on March 11th to make sure my HCG levels were rising. On March 12th @ about 10:00 they called me and said that my HCG levels were rising as they should be and to watch my spotting and if it got any lighter in color or heavier to call them.

Mean while my sister's wedding is on the 15th so I am very busy with that. (I was making the cake and 300 cupcakes) so I was making the foundant so we could have it ready when we put the cake together on Sunday.

While at my mom's that afternoon about 2 hours after the doctor's office called me (about noon) I started bleeding a lot. Bright red in color. Still no cramping. Called the doctor they told me to get of my feet the rest of the day and to go to the emergency room if passed anything that looked like tissue, or if I bleed through a pad in an hour, or had major cramping.

It was about 4 and I started to cramp really bad and then about 5 was bleeding out of control so we went to the emergency room where they did some blood work. The doctor was so nice and said that he thought it would be best if I had an ultrasound. They wheeled me off into the room and started the ultrasound.My sweet Cory, holding my hand the whole time, started to cry because he knew what the ultrasound should look like based on the one that we had had that Tuesday and it did not look right, He knew before the tech even said anything. I could not see the screen but I knew because of his reaction. We went back into the exam room and the doctor came in and said that I had had miscarriage and that I could not have done anything to cause this and not to blame myself.

Not blaming myself should be easy, but it has not been. I have been a wreck since then. I did not deal with it until after my sister's wedding because she needed me and I could not break down yet. Tuesday came and all my emotions came to the surface. My boss sent me home from work and told me to take all the time I needed and to take care of myself. (could not ask for a better boss) The only way that I could sleep is if Cory was with me and he would hold me while I cried (and yelled and was so angry at everything) until I feel asleep then he would sleep until he felt me moving and then would hold me again until I feel back asleep. It took me about a week to stop crying any time I would even think about it. I love him.

I am trying to find the little things that came from this. I can get pregnant which is a very good thing. Also how lucky I am that I have a priesthood holder in my house that loves me even when I am being a nut case. I would not have made it through this without him or my faith in the church or my family. One of Cory's cousins (she knows who she is) sent me an e-mail. I do not think she will ever know how much I needed it or how much it meant to me that she would take the time to send that simple message. Thank you. All things happen for a reason.

I have heard this a million times and never really understood why people say it and now I know, The Lord will never give me (or you) more than I (or you) can handle.
Any trial that he gives me will make me a stronger church member, wife, person and some day, mother.


-Kait

4 comments:

Nicole said...

You're lucky you married such a sweet guy...and someone who was always my favorite cousin. : ) This doesn't make the pain go away, but one thing that I tried to focus on (besides the fact that we knew we could get pregnant) was an article I read a few weeks later talking about how I will see that baby again. And I believe that. You WILL see that little baby. That baby was just so special that he/she didn't need to experience mortality. Kaulana was always good at reminding me that we were BLESSED with a child that special. Again, it still doesn't take away all the hurt, but like you said, how wonderful it is that we have the knowledge that we do.

On a side note, that's crazy that you did all that for your sister's wedding! You go girl! That's insane--all that baking! I'm sure it turned out fabulous.

Kristin said...

Kait I am so sorry. I really cannot imagine anything more difficult and i am so sorry that my question came at such a bad bad time. I will keep you in my prayers. I just wanted to say that I am impressed with your perspective on the whole thing and your faith. Good for you Kaitlin. The Lord will take care of you.

Alicia said...

Kaitlin, I am so sorry! I am so glad that you have such a wonderful hubby to help you through such a difficult trial! I wish the best for you!!!
Thanks for the invite, I will love keeping up with you and your family!

Monica said...

Hey Kait. I cannot even imagine the pain and heartache you have gone through. Thank you for sharing your experience and what you have gained. The Lord is definitely aware of you and your situation. You will continue to find the healing you need as you turn to Him and use the power of the Atonement. I love you girl! If you ever need anything, let me know.